Charlie72 from the forums has found something even more astounding then killing a giant bat, hoisting it over your head, and using it to hang-glide into the mouth of a cave to attack an entire race of purple cavemen.
Don’t get me wrong, if you could weaponize those levels of awesomeness you could kill millions. That was pretty goddamn badass, but during a particularly heated debate on who is the manliest man in the Final Fantasy series– a debate that had really narrowed down to two people: Cyan from Final Fantasy VI and Auron from Final Fantasy X…
I’m derailing that previous train of thought to simply say that Auron is immediately disqualified because if there is a series of games that is somehow ass-stupider and more painful to play than Final Fantasy VIII, it’s Final Fucking Fantasy X. Sure, there is something to be said about a dude for whom dying only served to piss him off, and decides to fight one-handed with his absurdly huge fucking sword because using both just wouldn’t be sporting, but if he really wanted to win me over he would have gutted that grinning little blond punkstain Tidus within five minutes of meeting him and killed that fuckmelon Wakka by feeding him his own blitzball.
Sorry. I think you know by now that I have some…well, let’s call them rage issues with the Final Fantasy series. Where was I?
Oh, right. Trains. Well, Cyan is a badass, no doubt about it. He overcomes a ton of adversity, but even so, you’re forgetting Sabin Figaro, a man whose kung-fu is so strong that he can kill you with the wind from his punches alone. Dude can lift a fucking house for six minutes.
But even more badass than that?
Chuck Norris can choke on DEEZ NUTS.
I need a towel.
This special movie review brings my brother Miles in front of the camera, as we discuss the newest cinematic abomination created by the shit-flinging monkeychild Michael Bay.
Remember when I said that my camera was old and might be showing its age at any moment? We might have just rocketed past that point.
I just spent all day recording the live footage for two reviews: Street Fighter 2010 and Terror TRAX, and the sound is completely unusable. It’s just gone. All you can hear is static, with my voice only barely audible, as if I were shouting through a snowstorm. It’s a complete waste, and I can’t use any of it.
Now, I’m not an idiot. The days of the old brain lapses of not turning on the lavalier pack or plugging in cables are well behind me. I do a sound check every time I set up the camera now just to make sure this sort of thing doesn’t happen, and I did it this time, too. But it still went wrong.
I’ll try to explain what happened. A while back, I recorded my vlog on “Drag Me To Hell” and noticed the same thing, that the sound was static despite the sound check. I did another check and found that, for some reason, the connection between my XLR microphone input and the camera had gotten fouled up, so I re-set the connections and cables and everything seemed to work properly again. But the same thing seems to have happened again today. At some point between my sound check and pressing the record button on the camera, the microphone connection went kaput. I simply had no reason to doubt that the sound was bad.
I’m not sure what to do now. I’d hate to write the camera off as a loss, but this is probably a sign that I need to start shopping around for a new one sooner rather than later. I suppose the best thing to do is to just re-record the reviews, but I don’t think I can use my high-quality microphone from now on, considering that the XLR input is acting tetchy. I’m going to be stuck using the onboard camera mic, and it’s going to sound like crap.
At any rate, I’m too tired and pissed off to try recording it all over again today. I’m really sorry about all this, but you’ll probably have to wait a little longer before I can get you the updates I promised. In light of this, I’ll start working on Ripper and SWAT 4 until I can figure out a way to reliably use my camera.
Edit: It’s definitely got something to do with the camera’s “accessory shoe.” Both the XLR accessory and the shotgun mic had a ton of interference. I played around with them both for a while when suddenly…it works again. That actually makes me more nervous about the whole thing than having it reliably fail. Don’t know what’s causing it.
After he retired from wrestling, Warrior (he legally changed his name to that) became a neo-conservative public speaker. This is a recording of him rambling for about an hour on conservative politics at UConn. The crowd goes through the range of emotions, from confused, to bored, back to confused, to shocked, to angry, and ending up at hilarity. I especially love the hecklers who do their best to keep him talking so he might say something else even dumber than before.
Anyway, for those of you who think Warrior was just acting in-character, get a load of this:
(Warning, this is over an hour long. If you want to skip to the good bits, jump up to 39:45)
Skynet is guarded by exactly one terminator without a gun.
Despite the fact that it is demonstrated that terminators can be created to exactly replicate the appearance and voice of people they’ve captured to infiltrate or lure the Resistance into traps, Skynet chooses to keep Kyle Reese alive to lure John Connor into a trap.
Seriously, what possible reason could Skynet have for keeping Reese alive? Killing him ensures that John is never conceived. Even if you’re willing to argue the grandfather paradox here, you have to admit, it couldn’t fucking hurt.
Apparently, you can jump into the ocean from a helicopter and just swim down and enter a nuclear submarine without any kind of diving gear.
The resistance has the talent and technology to perform a heart transplant.
The enormous ten-story tall Harvester robots are capable of astounding feats of ambush. They’re big, but they can walk on tippy-toes.
They also moo.
Blair is willing to betray her entire race and everyone who was willing to fight and die with her for a robot she’s known for less than two days and is unquestionably some kind of trap created by Skynet.
Terminators have highly-unstable nuclear power cells which would be much more effective as weapons against the Resistance than robots with guns.
These power cells apparently weren’t in the terminators destroyed in the first two movies.
John Connor is immune to radiation, because he’s usually within a few hundred yards of these nuclear explosions when they occur.
Skynet has no idea where the Resistance is, even though there’s a lake full of amphibious snake terminators in the lake two hundred yards outside their main base. Nor do these aquatic robots aid Skynet in any way to find the nuclear submarine serving as the Resistance HQ. In the ocean. The watery place you’d want your swimming robots to be.
Wouldn’t it have been simpler to simply stuff Marcus full of explosives and program him to explode when he encounters John?
John is a war hero among the Resistance for teaching them how to fight the machines and exposing all of their weaknesses like, uh, shooting them a lot and running away.
