A botched bank robbery has several heavily-armed suspects holed up in a nearby office building known as the Red Library, which is likely to be a secret socialist software developer responsible for pushing Marxist dogma on our fresh-faced American youth!
Needless to say, the pressure of the situation combined with the underlying communist menace has the entire team a bit on-edge.
“You’re in my spot, sir.”
Edit: Considerable interest has been shown into the fate of the injured civilian who collapsed with his head trapped in the elevator doors. While the cumulative effect of the doors closing on his head several hundred times over the course of two hours caused significant brain damage that prevented him from working further on software development, it made him an ideal host for G4 programming. He now hosts a wacky clip show called “Totally Freaky Groin Injuries Caught on Tape,” and is the highest-rated show in the much-coveted 3-3:30 AM time slot.
Some would-be car thieves are barricaded inside a body shop. Will these Pep Boys prove to be 2 Fast and 2 Furious for SWAT, or will they be gone in 60 seconds?
There’s a gang war at the A-Bomb Club downtown. Let’s suit up and take ‘em down! Maybe we can pick up some hip, swingin’ hostage chicks while we’re there.
I’ve got a ton of footage recorded, but I’m not sure what to do with it. The early missions are relatively easy, so you’re seeing everything– about one or two playthroughs. The later missions, however, are much more difficult. Since there aren’t any checkpoints, you always have to start over from the beginning when you die, and trust me, I die a lot.
I’m doing an honest playthrough here. Some of the missions, even the hard ones, I beat on the first try, but there are some I die thirty times or more. It’s incredibly frustrating, but I’m not sure you guys really want to see all that. I don’t mind admitting that I suck and showing you my hundreds of deaths, but that’s a lot of footage, and my commentary degenerates into chains of obscenities.
The other thing is, there aren’t that many more goofy SWAT characters. Macing and tasering grandma was fun, but from here on the situations are more traditional cop scenarios like bank heists, hospital invasions. If you’re expecting me to brutalize more civilians you’re probably going to be disappointed. Apart from pepper spraying the occasional hobo, it’s just a lot of handcuffing and not a lot of laughs.
I also tend to play a lot less like Cowboy Spoony (because this gets me killed) and more often send the squad in first since they can kill suspects without getting flagged for excessive force.
Anyway, this leaves me with a veritable blooper reel of deaths in a lot of not-as-funny scenarios. Should I…
* Include every playthrough I made until I eventually prevail? This is funny for sheer fail value, like tragic Sisyphus rolling the boulder up the hill.
* Skip to the good bits, mainly showing the first unsuccessful run, quickly showing the deaths from the other failed runs, and then showing the successful run?
* Show only the successful run.
Remember, you’re the one watching me play. It’s funny now, but I don’t think you want to see me grind out the same level for 45 minutes to an hour getting repeatedly wiped out. Or maybe you do. I don’t know. I think maybe I need to spice up the episodes with some form of audience participation. Maybe after the briefing I can have everyone “PLACE BETS NOW” on how many attempts you think it’ll take me to finish the mission and what my final score will be.
What? Why are you calling me? I don’t care that there’s a hostage situation at the Quik-Stop. I’m not even supposed to be here today!
