The Spoony Experiment

Terror T.R.A.X. – Track of the Vampire (PC), Part 1

by Spoony on October 20, 2009 · 149 comments

It’s time for Spoony’s final showdown with the things that suck in the night!

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{ 149 comments… read them below or add one }

101
LP Clark October 21, 2009 at 1:08 pm

Wendoly Szlash, the curly haired vampire lesbo. She looks like Jessica Hecht, the curly haired lesbo called Susan from Friends.

102
diggerjohn111 October 21, 2009 at 1:15 pm

This does indeed bring MANOS into mind. I think they should have put a Torgo in here. “The Master…will…not…be…pleased…”. (Sorry about the ellipses).

103
Steve October 21, 2009 at 1:17 pm

Sigh… Classic Spoony One entertainment. I was worried for a while that he was going to get stuck doing just rants, thankfully he’s going back to his good old reviewing roots. Great job Spoony.

104
Grizzlow October 21, 2009 at 1:26 pm

Holy Crap! is it just me or is that Dr. Hemos the Dungeon Master from the Dragon Strike video!

105
Grizzlow October 21, 2009 at 1:32 pm

I’m probably wrong, but Dr. Hemos looks and sounds ALOT like the Dragon Master from the Dragon Strike video

106
Caliban Don Flamingo October 21, 2009 at 1:37 pm

Yeah I had to pause at the DX line, that was brilliant

107
fick dich October 21, 2009 at 1:57 pm

I think he was looking for a human body, which is why he was surprised.
Lol, his name is “Fidus Hemos”. A nice mix of Latin and Greek! Fidus is a real name, but it’s really really really old fashioned. Remember, he’s a vampire, so he’s immortal and probably has been around since the Dark Ages when names like that would’ve been normal.
The FMV isn’t that bad. It’s not grainy or filled with lines, and it actually takes up the whole screen.
They really pulled this off in a silly way. Why didn’t they just turn it into a standard adventure game instead of a “chose your own adventure” video?

108
Rob M October 21, 2009 at 1:59 pm

Great job, boss.. either you’re getting funnier or the allergy meds are kicking in big time. I’ll wager the former.

Old school MST3K smartassmanship at its finest!! TY!

109
fick dich October 21, 2009 at 2:05 pm

Oh, wait his name was Vitus. Oh that’s a normal name. Still odd to have a Latin name with a Greek last name. I always pronounced it like “Vital”. Hm.

110
fick dich October 21, 2009 at 2:07 pm

Really? LAT-DATE? Are you kidding? Not L8-DATE? Or A-L8-DATE? Or 4L8-DATE? Seriously, it’s not that hard.

111
desolateone October 21, 2009 at 2:21 pm

Ohhhh that Affleck…

that reference made my day!

112
arglactable October 21, 2009 at 3:02 pm

I suspect the music in the introduction may have come from a classic film starring Kurt Russel.

113
Michel October 21, 2009 at 3:18 pm

Nice DX reference.

Yeah, guys who watch Let’s Plays are pathetic.

114
hadokenboom25 October 21, 2009 at 3:29 pm

I like all the wrestling references lawl

115
LiquidHawk October 21, 2009 at 3:39 pm

“Holy water… don’t leave home without it.”
“Yeah one time I loaded holy water in this super soaker, that was sooo triumphant.”

LMMFAO!!! Spoony, you rule.

116
TheGodEmperor October 21, 2009 at 4:19 pm

I’ll think of her as Hexadecimal from Reboot lol

117
Ensiferum October 21, 2009 at 4:51 pm

So did Dragon Strike and Terror TRAX all take from the same pool of c-list actors? I guess the DM from Dragonstrike decided he’d had enough of bad roleplayers like Malibu and decided to sprout some fangs to suck the life out of the mullet-maned-moron.

118
Mecahawk October 21, 2009 at 4:57 pm

Your Trax officer is Stevie Richards. That is phenomenal.

119
letterizer October 21, 2009 at 5:10 pm

awesome jay and silent bob strike back reference

120
Will October 21, 2009 at 5:30 pm

I thought it was okay. I thought you might be trying too hard. The original Terror Trax were done live with no pre-writing correct?

121
Ethan October 21, 2009 at 5:45 pm

The fucking computer thing is the scariest thing in the game.

122
Luna Yoshi October 21, 2009 at 6:10 pm

God, that was so damn funny… I loved your “fang” pun.

That vampire with the frizzy hair looks really familiar somehow.

123
MajorMud October 21, 2009 at 6:15 pm

Now this is classic Spoony! Rants and reveiws of the worst game ever made. More videos like this please, less of the other stuff!

124
f16134 October 21, 2009 at 6:24 pm

LOL Noah, please return from BLAGOLE :)

125
Altoman5 October 21, 2009 at 7:41 pm

Another great FMV Hell review, Spoony! It’s strange that I’ve never seen or played this game. Huh, for an FMV game, it doesn’t really offer much. Anyway, can’t wait for you to review the entire game.

126
Adorable Andrew October 21, 2009 at 8:59 pm

I don’t know how you do it Spoony. The first couple of comments got me laughing out loud, and it just got better from there. Loved the DX reference. :D

127
westica October 21, 2009 at 9:23 pm

is that girl from lat date the kindergarten teacher from billy madison cuz im almost positive that she is

128
docpepper October 21, 2009 at 10:54 pm

Are you ready?

129
Kurtis October 22, 2009 at 1:21 am

yeah, the chick on the phone was ms. Lippy! thank you very much MS. LIPPY!!!

130
Constantine October 22, 2009 at 1:24 am

When you do reviewing job, me and my sister just can’t stop laughing! Please, make more videos like this one ’cause we really miss THE Spoony One that reviewed Phantasmagoria 2 (my sis had a bad headache during one of those laughing fits)))! It’s your divine calling, Noah! Really!

131
Paul Rodenburg October 22, 2009 at 2:30 am

This is one of your best videos ever. Especially the line about decorating the christmas trees in hell with whores.

132
wasneeplus October 22, 2009 at 3:00 am

Nevermind that dungeon master guy. Did that male officer do the voice of solid snake by any chance?

133
Assiman October 22, 2009 at 5:18 am

Haha, your rifftrax’s rock, Spoony! This really made my day

134
AkewsticRockR October 22, 2009 at 9:50 am

Did anybody else notice “Miss Lippy” (the psycho kindergarten teacher from Billy Madison) in the Late Date commercial?

135
Will M. October 22, 2009 at 12:35 pm

Shame, I was hoping this would be an actual review rather than a commentary. Kinda sucks we can’t tell what choices you make.

But really, these TRAX officers are supposed to be specially trained to deal with these supernatural entities, but he doesn’t have the sense to draw his handgun before entering a suspicious building or attempting an arrest? Really? At least the FMV version looks slightly better than the audio version….or is that just me?

136
Jack October 22, 2009 at 2:17 pm

Damn, Spoony, I thought you’d have gotten out of the Blagole by now…

I guess we should send a rescue party…

To the…

BLAGOLE

137
Jael October 22, 2009 at 5:04 pm

“They make an oath to only play baseball in thunderstorms.”

Spoony, I can probably guess you’re not a big Twilight fan (then again, none of the guys I know are), but that quote pretty much made this review an epic win for me among other reasons.

138
Mik Vance October 22, 2009 at 5:16 pm

“Move bitch, get out the way.”

Hilarious!

139
OniYouji October 22, 2009 at 6:33 pm

Why all the Manos: The Hands of Fate references? I’m still in the process of recovering from having seen that travesty a week ago…it still hurts…

140
BJB Digital October 22, 2009 at 9:17 pm

Wow I never thought we would see any of the actors from “Dragon Strike” again. Not only did we get Malibu the Warrior, but we also the Mr. Disembodied head the Dragon Master. What in the wide world of fuck is Mr. Lippy doing at an escort service? I hope the TRAX producers hid their paste when she was on set! Great work Spoony, thanks for some more laughs. I hate to sound like an ass kisser but you are getting extremely efficient with your riffing capacity.

141
Recoup October 22, 2009 at 9:39 pm

What is the name of that song at the end? I just can’t place it.

142
Discordius October 23, 2009 at 8:19 am

I get a little disappointed about FMV Hell. I have never played any FMV game, and never will. Why does Spoony choose such obscure stuff?

143
Confused Emo October 23, 2009 at 11:03 am

1-800-Lat-date is a real phone number for phone sex!

144
JT1 October 23, 2009 at 2:50 pm

@Confused Emo

You know that how exactly? On second thought, I don’t wanna know.

145
james October 25, 2009 at 3:19 am

I am not sure if you mentioned it spooney, but the guy who playd Dr. Hemos is that wierd floating head guy from your dragon strike review. And he is just as amusing. lol

146
The Shamster October 25, 2009 at 4:31 am

Why is it that the game over scene where Dr Hemos and the 3 vampire whores are feeding on “Snake” looks almost like a vampire themed porno?

Well, think about it, they’re taking turns sucking on him. and the blood dribbling down their chins……It ……..ah, never mind.

147
Grammaton485 October 26, 2009 at 9:57 am

Graves, you’ve got to destroy Metal Gear…

148
Bogdan October 27, 2009 at 12:55 am

Great review :) spoony.

Just wondering … what’s the name of the track that plays @ 20:07 ?

149
Blah October 28, 2009 at 1:09 am

I swear to God I’ve seen that Office Graves douche in a porno before. Either that or he’s got a twin out there running around San Fernando Valley and fucking people on camera.

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