Checking back over my attempts, I can see you’re quite right. Well, the first one was actually a typo (since I first went through mechanically clunking down my translation of each of Spoony’s sentences, and only later added my little comments) which I didn’t notice when I was adding my comments, I assumed it was a grammatical error I’d noticed in the translation (the frigging translation process took more than half an hour, was a serious pain in the ass trying to freeze-frame the second before Spoony’s joke translation popped up).

But in regards to “это”, yeah, I screwed that one up big time. I broke it down in my head to “It is the policeman”, which seemed absurd, never figuring that it does (thinking in English) make perfect sense to say in similar context “It’s the policeman!”. So, yes, I made a pretty obvious mistake with applying “это” to people I am currently facepalming over. I lived in Moscow for several years, but that was quite awhile ago, I clearly don’t know Russian as well as I used to (though I still like to think I’m technically fluent). Hope any actual Russians on this site won’t hold it against me for making such an obvious idiot mistake.

Also, when it says “IS POLICE! BUT WE ARREST FOR BAD SWEATER”, well… of course, in Russian you can use “это” in relation to people. For example, if you would say “Это Арнолд Шварценеггер”, it would be perfectly fine; it would translate to “This is Arnold Schwarzenegger”.

And now, we drink! За Ваше здоровье! XD

That was kinda fucked up 0_o

Spoony’s Translation: JEW CRIMINALS ARE GOOD AT SHOOT
Actual Translation: Russian criminals good shootings
I… honestly don’t know what you were going for here. But I found the disparity funny.

Spoony’s Translation: NOT TO BE STANDING IN WAY OF COMRADES MAKING ENTRANCE
Actual Translation: No standing in way of “kamradov”
Really, that last word confused me, it doesn’t really mean anything. Obviously, I’m not expecting Spoony to get Russian vocabulary right, but for future reference the actual Russian for “comrade” is товарищ, “tovareesh”

Spoony’s Translation: NO WEEPING TIME FOR COMRADES! BE WATCHING UP!
Actual Translation: Do not mourn over your friends! Look upwards!
Somehow I love that the actual translation has perfect structure and grammar here. Good on you Spoony, or (more likely) your free online translator.

Spoony’s Translation: BEWARE OF JEWS MAKING SNEAK
Actual Translation: Look outside of for hiding Jewries
This one may be my favorite.

Spoony’s Translation: AIM BETTER FOR MUCH VICTORY!
Actual Translation: Goods and prize of the purpose!
No, this is without a doubt my favorite. “AIM BETTER FOR MUCH VICTORY!” got a T-shirt, why not “GOODS AND PRIZE OF THE PURPOSE!”? Think about it.

Spoony’s Translation: INDIVIDUAL IS WEAK. TRUST IN COMRADES AND GLORIOUS SOCIALIST UNION!
Actual Translation: Individuals are weak. Entrust your friends and glorious Mother Russia!
It’s the subtle differences that give me a chuckle.

Spoony’s Translation: HERE IS GOOD POLICE
Actual Translation: Here the good policeman.
The grammar is still wrong, just not in the way you represented it. You lie, Spoony One!

Spoony’s Translation: IN RUSSIA WE NO HAVE MAGIC WAND
Actual Translation: We have no this stick in Russia.
Admit it, that got a chuckle out of you.

Spoony’s Translation: IS HIDING JEW?
Actual Translation: It hiding Jewry?
Yes, it hiding much Jewryness!

Spoony’s Translation: ORDINARILY WOULD USE FLAMETHROWER, BUT MIGHT BE POLICE IN DISGUISE AS JEW.
Actual Translation: Usually you would use a flame thrower, but it could be the policeman.
Gotta love the Stereotypical Poor Grammar Filter.

Spoony’s Translation: IS POLICE! BUT WE ARREST FOR BAD SWEATER.
Actual Translation: He/she/it is the policeman! But we shall arrest it for its awful sweater.
This is actually a really hard one to translate, because “это” essentially means “it” and as such typically is not used in relation to people. It is sometimes used when the gender of the person in question is uncertain, and in that case can be best translated as he/she. I went with the above translation, and I love it. On a side note, sweaters like that should be perfectly arrestable offenses.

Spoony’s Translation: NOW WE DRINK.
Actual Translation: Now we drink.
I tip my hat to you sir.